That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
