Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
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