just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
