we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
