i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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