you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
