Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
