i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
