I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
