So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
