found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
