Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
