Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
