If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
