Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
