the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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