I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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