I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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