I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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