I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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