So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
