Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
