if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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