I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
