I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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