My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
