I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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