I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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