you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
