Having a random hookup so left but love u
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
