i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
