will power is for people who don't want to get laid
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
