Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
