found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
