YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
