If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My pussy is not your playground.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
