this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
