My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
