after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
