i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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