someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Can Purell be used as lube?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
