He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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