walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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