so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
