Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
