I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
