Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
