That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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