Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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