I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
