Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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