yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
