it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
