I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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